ironriots:

awfulbanter:

forgetting hot beverages and remembering them when they are cold beverages is a cruel reminder of the passage of time and how it can appear like nothing has changed but it has 

but it has 

oh my god thank u for this post i just remembered my tea

(Source: awfulhappy)

damncommunists:

ocelhira:

i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

  1. i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 
  2. most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 
  3. im not a pissbaby

my white friends that have reblogged this give me life

ninetynineno:

sylphoftime:

i think it’s funny how christianity made a big deal about mary being impregnanted by god and everyone was like “oh my god the son of god! we must worship him listen to his great wisdom.” 

meanwhile, if you said god knocked you up in ancient greece they’d just be like “yeah, me too.”

Okay, I laughed.

lilpetrabbit:

a few days ago bf told me that a couple years ago when he played counterstrike he would respond to dudes getting angry and aggressive and hostile by saying “a kissaroo from me to you” in a slightly goofy friendly voice sort of like the voice you’d associate with a dog muppet.  he said they would absolutely lose their shit every time, insisting things like “i dont want a kissaroo from you!  only tall blonde girls!”.  they always said kissaroo.  i cant stop thinking about this

mrmeriwether:

yeahbanero-bells:

wolvensnothere:

Whoa.

I read this out loud to boyfriend and he just went “ohhhhhhhhh” 

CEOs all runnin around terrified of blue shells from the homeless

mrmeriwether:

yeahbanero-bells:

wolvensnothere:

Whoa.

I read this out loud to boyfriend and he just went “ohhhhhhhhh” 

CEOs all runnin around terrified of blue shells from the homeless

(Source: thetangential)

lyxdelsic:

the westborow godhatesgoths website’s ‘warning signs that your child may be a goth’ is my favorite thing because

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yeah getting doctor who pins is considered “goth”

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oops i guess thats all of you

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i..

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didnt you use the internet to create this website…?

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breaking news: shakespeare may have been a goth!

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what

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are you even..?

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yeah people that try to make friends are goths

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wow

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WOW

the-bucky-barnes:

the-bucky-barnes:

Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists. The ones that do call him the Winter Soldier. He’s credited over two dozen assassinations in the last 50 years.

 #this fucking cosplayer is insane and needs to be stopped

just you try and stop me.

the-bucky-barnes:

the-bucky-barnes:

Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists. The ones that do call him the Winter Soldier. He’s credited over two dozen assassinations in the last 50 years.

 #this fucking cosplayer is insane and needs to be stopped

just you try and stop me.

drinkmasturbatecry:

nudityandnerdery:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”
"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”
"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”
"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”
"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

And, of course: "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.

drinkmasturbatecry:

nudityandnerdery:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay

He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

And, of course:

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.

(Source: corpsecoldstevebooscemi)

greatjaggi:

yanahma:

greatjaggi:

What the fuck is the “super” in superwholock supposed to represent

Sigh. Look at this plebian. Lets get this cleared up once and for all:

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"Super" = Superbad

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"Who" = The Hoobs

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"Lock" = John Locke from Lost

Now can we please never have a misunderstanding about this again

image

Well im glad that’s cleared up

odins-one-eyed-fuck:

bureaubaggins:

dignified-and-old:

baruchobramowitz:

Behold the most disgustingly aggressive display of Americanness

I’m just picturing some dude sitting at the dinner table, his assault rifles propped up in the other chairs
"Can you pass the salad, Mom?" he asks the AK-47, but she doesn’t pass the salad
She never passes the salad

"Hey Mom, can you pass the salad?"




"You always do this to me, Mom."


A masterpiece

odins-one-eyed-fuck:

bureaubaggins:

dignified-and-old:

baruchobramowitz:

Behold the most disgustingly aggressive display of Americanness

I’m just picturing some dude sitting at the dinner table, his assault rifles propped up in the other chairs

"Can you pass the salad, Mom?" he asks the AK-47, but she doesn’t pass the salad

She never passes the salad

"Hey Mom, can you pass the salad?"

"You always do this to me, Mom."

A masterpiece

h0odrich:

this looks like a man just got switched into a cats body and he’s having some self realization of the situation and he’s buggin

(Source: catleecious)

boots-n-cats:

my-stereo-heart-beats-for-you:

viergacht:

karensrnith:

"this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours"

Funny thing - a woman who applied for welfare after her husband left her hadto supply DNA evidence he was actually the father. The results: he was definitely the father, but she wasn’t the mother. Her children were removed from her custody and she was sued for fraud, even though she insisted they were her children. 
Turns out, she wasn’t a surrogate or a kidnapper (the two most obvious explanations) - she was a chimera. As an embryo, she fused at a very early stage with her twin, forming one individual. Her ovaries apparently developed from cells that had originally belonged to her vanished twin. Later on more tests showed that while the woman’s skin and hair DNA did not match her childrens, DNA taken from her cervix did. 

WHAT THE FUCk

This went from stupid to really interesting in point 5 seconds.

boots-n-cats:

my-stereo-heart-beats-for-you:

viergacht:

karensrnith:

"this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours"

Funny thing - a woman who applied for welfare after her husband left her hadto supply DNA evidence he was actually the father. The results: he was definitely the father, but she wasn’t the mother. Her children were removed from her custody and she was sued for fraud, even though she insisted they were her children. 

Turns out, she wasn’t a surrogate or a kidnapper (the two most obvious explanations) - she was a chimera. As an embryo, she fused at a very early stage with her twin, forming one individual. Her ovaries apparently developed from cells that had originally belonged to her vanished twin. Later on more tests showed that while the woman’s skin and hair DNA did not match her childrens, DNA taken from her cervix did. 

WHAT THE FUCk

This went from stupid to really interesting in point 5 seconds.